Download Ebook Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring, by Michael A. Tompkins
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Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring, by Michael A. Tompkins
Download Ebook Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring, by Michael A. Tompkins
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Review
“If your loved one has a problem with compulsive saving, this book can help you both save what really counts—yourselves! With equal parts compassion, wisdom, and practicality, Michael Tompkins and Tamara Hartl offer step-by-step instructions for helping family members and friends with hoarding challenges. The authors’ passion for their work comes through on every page, and their extensive experience is evident in every nugget of advice they offer.” —Jeff Bell, author of When in Doubt, Make Belief: An OCD-Inspired Approach to Living with Uncertainty
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From the Publisher
In Digging Out, two psychologists who specialize in compulsive hoarding show readers with a friend or family member who hoards how to use harm reduction, a proven-effective model, to help their loved one live safely and comfortably in his or her own home and improve their relationship with the hoarder.
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Product details
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (November 1, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1572245948
ISBN-13: 978-1572245945
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
42 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#94,648 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I was disappointed that so few reviewers commented before reading and implementing the advice in this book, so I'll share my experience. Digging Out explains a hoarder's point of view and outlines sensitive approaches to collaborating with them. Unfortunately the suggestions were still unsuccessful. My family member remained adamant that no one touch her stuff. She didn't care about (or was in denial about) any consequences to herself or others. She'd rather climb over boxes to do laundry than let us put broken dishes, dead batteries, and manuals for cars she no longer owns into storage (much less dispose of them!). Applying the steps in this book simply delayed the inevitable call to Adult Protective Services by about 4 months. On one hand, it might make you feel better to try everything possible before taking drastic measures (or giving up). On the other hand, if something dreadful occurs in the meantime, the book will have done more harm than good and you may never forgive yourself.
This book fills a gap in published information about hoarding. Other excellent books exist for hoarders themselves or for professionals who treat hoarders, but there has not been a book directed at the people whose loved ones hoard. The authors deal with the frustration family members or friends feel regarding an uncooperative person with excessive clutter. In addition to addressing the emotional toll on those around the hoarder, the book educates readers about hoarding, including setting realistic expectations for changing the situation. Particularly useful is the application of harm reduction theory to hoarding. This examines how friends and family can help the hoarder to minimize health and safety hazards. Digging Out presents a comprehensive, easy to read guide for those who are at their wit's end. No doubt it will be a seminal book for working with hoarders.
If you have a loved one who you think might be tending toward hoarding a little too much, and s/he has you worried, please read this book. The tips in this book for working with your loved one really do work. We went from "DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!!!" to cleaning out four rooms within a month. All I had to do was follow the harm reduction plan in this book (not that it was that simple or easy). The best advice I can give is where the book says wait until you've finished the book to start working with your loved one -- please, do that. Get through the whole thing, then sit down with the plan you've made and go over it with whoever else will be working on your team. The techniques and planning in this book helped me to change my loved one's thinking errors as they relate to "stuff" that's being saved.
My family are a bunch of creatives and as such thed to hoard anything that looks remotely like it might come in useful sometime in the rest of their lives. It even got to the stage that when our son was born they passed on hand-me-down junk to us that filled our carport. I heard about this book from a friend and bought a copy. It really helped out.First off I read it and learned exactly what hoarding is from a therapist's point of view and how to begin working on the problem without upsetting anyone. The main lessons were aimed at minimising harm and they simple language the two authors use got the message over really quickly and didn't leave me guessing about any big medical terminology. They even have a section on planning out your decluttering process. We worked through the book and have made progress. It's an opn-going thing and slowly we're learning to change the way we view our home and are really beginning to enjoy it now it's not a dumping ground for junk.Top marks.
An excellent book with sensible directions for dealing with mentally ill folks who horde. The problem, pointed out in the treatise, is that an average person cannot usually convince the hoarder that he/she actually has a mental problem. In such an instance, a concerned one must develop the patience of Job, and/or accept the unfortunate fact that the hoarder cannot/will not change.
The book "Digging Out" takes a new, pragmatic tack toward the problem of moderate to severe hoarding behavior. It is written for those who are living with, are related to, or are friends of hoarders and as such is the first book to address their concerns directly. It also takes a health and safety approach that reduces unrealistic expectations while offering a toolbox full of useful techniques. I have used some of the communicative strategies in the book with success and the stress and conflict in my situation has been reduced.Other reviewers criticize the book for its emphasis on the elderly and/or dementia sufferers. I did not find this emphasis distracting, though I must admit I see my situation inevitably heading in that direction. A more distracting technique was the repeated use of the phrase "loved one" to refer to the hoarder. Writing well is not a matter of search and replace. Nevertheless, I was motivated to finish reading the book despite its occasional formulaic quality.The book is quite forward looking in its recognition that hoarding behavior might not be confined to OCD syndromes but also include ADHD profiles, which puts it near the leading edge of contemporary research. I wish there had been more in the book that directly addressed the relationship between OCD and ADHD behavior in hoarders. The biggest shortcoming of the book is that conceptually, and in the form of many sample dialogs, the authors assume at least some level of cooperation on the part of the hoarder. Total denial is so common yet so insurmountable that the examples seemed (to this reader) almost cartoonlike. Still, this book has schooled me in a more humane and caring approach toward my own "loved one."
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